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Personally, two years into my first-ever lesbian relationship, I'm very happy to take the time to acknowledge the amazing lesbians out there in the world — my girlfriend included. Because there are a lot of differences between dating a man and dating a woman and most of them make me so freaking grateful that the person I fell for is a fellow femme. Oh, and because there's no male orgasm for a big finish, it means sex can just kind of keep going... They don't want to be a bother or, worse, be dumped for being "hysterical." Now, my girlfriend and I don't meet the lesbian stereotype of sitting around talking about our feelings for hours — that would be boring.
And, as someone who has had sex with women but only dated men before this relationship, I appreciate being in a lesbian relationship all the more. And being in a lesbian relationship in no way takes away from the fact that I am a bisexual — there is no acceptance of bi erasure here. So if you've ever thought about acting out your sapphic leanings and switching your Tinder search to women, here are some factors worth considering. The idea that I shouldn't pay is a patronizing throwback to when women were, you know, basically property. But I feel totally secure mentioning if something's bugging or upsetting me, no matter how small. Our future plans and wants and dreams matter equally.
But what being in a lesbian relationship done is made me realize how effing amazing being in a lesbian relationship is. Because nobody's orgasm is considered the "main event," you both get of attention. I know many men are receptive to sensitive conversations, and some men can even be MORE emotional than their female SOs, but so many of my friends are scared of looking "emotional" to their boyfriends.
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In a hetero relationship, you're always encountering gender norms — whether adhering to or ignoring them. If you've got yourself a man who puts in that mental labour, you're killing it.
With two women, you just get to sidestep them completely.
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If you've ever had to congratulate a guy for not being a misogynistic assh*le, you'll know what I'm talking about. Even though I think of men as being more judgmental, feeling like there is a more direct comparison between you and your partner was tough at first. No praising someone because they did a single effing dish after dinner. Sure, part of it is because my girlfriend is particularly amazing, but in my experience, dating a woman has meant feeling like it's a genuine, equal partnership. I feel like an equal partner in my relationship — and that's just how it should be.